Monday, 7 May 2012
Sunday, 15 January 2012
Friday, 13 January 2012
Thursday, 12 January 2012
Tuesday, 10 January 2012
Nothing is for Nothing... by Jill Scott
Being whatever they wanted me to be whenever they wanted me to be it.
A freak, inside, outside kitchen counters, laundry mats, two at a time,
hotels, motels, and backseats of leased cars, vans and jeeps.
Made myself like it ’cause they liked it and I liked that they liked it
and so I continued being the perfect image of a wet dream.
Nasty, wild, exotic, erotic.
Freak was they wanted so freak was who I was.
And everybody was walking around talking about me.
Like teenage pregnancy wasn’t becoming synonymous with being black and woman.
Like America wasn’t suffocating our thoughts.
Like there was nothing to talk about what was doing or screwing.
And I thought the whole damn thing was ridiculous, which it was.
‘Cause I was content giving my men a little heaven
between their struggle to breathe and contemplation of suicide.
Wasn’t I good for the cause?
Closed mind, open legs, making niggas forget why they’re so damn angry.
Wasn’t I good?
Then the mood swung as well the tempo and I became an ideal.
They want her pretty and docile, caring and stupid
and there I was on your Mark, Seth, Joe and I was Suzy Homemaker on the hunt for love;
Cooking and cleaning, ironing and faithful and a freak cause that’s what they liked
and I liked being what they liked so what they liked was who I was.
A prostitute, selling my soul for emotional gain,
struggling not to be the third generation of lonely women in my family.
Struggling to gain but gaining nothing but confusion, frustration, illusion, and emptiness ’cause there was no love,
just empty condom wrappers on the floors to be discarded like me.
A prize performer long before I actually knew it too,
’cause I was faking me out of the me I would become.
The me that I see now.
The me that holds onto herself with both hands and all feet.
The me who must have love and give it.
The me who brings more to the table than good looks and a wet hole.
The me that is confident, and intelligent and filled to the brim with respect for me.
And a freak ’cause that’s what I like and I like being what I like and what I like is all a part of what I am.
By Jill Scott....
I'm not going to lie...there is so much in this poem that I relate to.. and I'm not ashamed of it..I know myself now.. But I'm still sad..So sad I almost cried when I heard Jill perform this...I'm not over the things that happened in my life..it still haunts me.. I just hope that at the end..it makes me a stronger person...but right now.. I'm not there yet..I'm stressed, tired, sad, lonely ...and I'm missing people I drove away..Lord if your listening..help me make things better..help me reconnect with the people I love and care about..and walk with me as I make the journey into becoming a stronger person.
Saturday, 31 December 2011
Wednesday, 14 December 2011
Sunday, 11 December 2011
Sunday, 4 December 2011
Wednesday, 16 November 2011
Sunday, 13 November 2011
is...
Loving people, or someone, isn't about Loving "types" it's about Loving who they are on the inside (their soul), regardless of how different they may seem on "paper". It's about Loving who they might become, and learning to look past their faults, because you know they are good on the inside, and will one day learn how to be better a person.
Sunday, 6 November 2011
Confessions in point form
- Have had unprotected sex on more then one occasion (Had one big HIV scare...more paranoia, but it still had a big impact on me
- I cheated (If your someone who isn't a chronic cheater, in fact the very idea of cheating disgust you, like it does me, then you know something in your relationship is wrong, and its time to move on.)
- Ive had promiscuous sex (I put on an act sometimes glorifying it, but the truth is, I was looking for something, and when I couldn't find it, I felt like I had to settle)
- Ive been looking for love in all the places (and making excuses for when they've treated me wrong)
- Most of the relationships Ive had were purely based on sex first emotions later (mostly on their part), but I finally experienced something were sex wasn't even part of the equation, something for more real..a first for me, and something Ive always wanted..to be loved and cared about for more then what I could do for them in bed.
- Ive let the past emotionally scar me, to where its now hard for me to control my emotions, and stop from doing impulsive things.
- I used to provoke others using my sexuality when I first came out (now I wouldn't even like me, if I knew me)
- I push to hard to be loved sometimes.
- Ive used drugs recreationally (never had an addiction, but it could have gone there)
- Ive let myself be used.
- I was bashed because I had a tongue ring (apparently men aren't suppose to have one)
- I use to be an atheist.
- I want to help those who don't ask for my help.
- Ive become annoying.
- At 27 I still feel lost.
- I cheated (If your someone who isn't a chronic cheater, in fact the very idea of cheating disgust you, like it does me, then you know something in your relationship is wrong, and its time to move on.)
- Ive had promiscuous sex (I put on an act sometimes glorifying it, but the truth is, I was looking for something, and when I couldn't find it, I felt like I had to settle)
- Ive been looking for love in all the places (and making excuses for when they've treated me wrong)
- Most of the relationships Ive had were purely based on sex first emotions later (mostly on their part), but I finally experienced something were sex wasn't even part of the equation, something for more real..a first for me, and something Ive always wanted..to be loved and cared about for more then what I could do for them in bed.
- Ive let the past emotionally scar me, to where its now hard for me to control my emotions, and stop from doing impulsive things.
- I used to provoke others using my sexuality when I first came out (now I wouldn't even like me, if I knew me)
- I push to hard to be loved sometimes.
- Ive used drugs recreationally (never had an addiction, but it could have gone there)
- Ive let myself be used.
- I was bashed because I had a tongue ring (apparently men aren't suppose to have one)
- I use to be an atheist.
- I want to help those who don't ask for my help.
- Ive become annoying.
- At 27 I still feel lost.
Thursday, 3 November 2011
I .....
dont know what to say
all i know is that i need to be there with you
you dont have to do this alone
this place that is holding me wont hold me for much longer
i’ll hold you when you cry
because deep down i want to cry too
my heart is heavy but i’ll use it as a foundation to hold yours up
we will make it through this
By: Anonymous source
all i know is that i need to be there with you
you dont have to do this alone
this place that is holding me wont hold me for much longer
i’ll hold you when you cry
because deep down i want to cry too
my heart is heavy but i’ll use it as a foundation to hold yours up
we will make it through this
By: Anonymous source
Monday, 17 October 2011
Comic Book Image of the day: Tuesday October 18
Sunday, 16 October 2011
Fight or Flight?
So I wrote this in 2008, and I have to say its probably the best thing I've written, but of course that's just my opinion. You may finish reading this and totally disagree and again that would be your opinion, but I have to say out of everything I have written (and there hasn't been much, trust me) this is the "piece" I'm most proud of.
-------------------
If you all travel on the TTC during the day then you would most likely pick up the Metro Newspaper. This publication is usually hit and miss, sometimes having great eye catching (but short) articles. Other times however you just skim through to the entertainment section, which is usually filled with juicy gossip. On Monday though a certain article did catch my eye, about a man named Michael Hayden. The article was good but scarce so i went online and find a better version of it through the Toronto Star news service.
A Jamaican police officer says he's living in fear after coming out as a Gay Man, and hopes to come to Canada where he can safely speak up on behalf of other Gay Jamaicans. Michael Hayden, who has been on the police force for four years, said other officers routinely attacked, and abused him after becoming suspicious of his sexual orientation. After speaking out publicly about the problem, in The Jamaica Star newspaper this month, the 24-year-old Hayden said he began receiving death threats."I want to stay here and fight," Hayden said, in a telephone interview from Jamaica yesterday. "But it's not safe for me. My life is in great, great jeopardy." Human rights groups say Hayden's case is the latest in a series of disturbing anti-Gay incidents in the Caribbean tourist destination. The Jamaican police force declined to comment on Hayden's situation. Sodomy is a criminal offence in Jamaica, which carries a maximum penalty of 10 years."We have no comment at this time," Karl Angell, a spokesperson for the Jamaican Constabulary Police Force said in a telephone interview from Jamaica yesterday.Hayden is not the first Gay Jamaican to seek asylum out of fear for his life, said Rebecca Schleifer, a researcher with Human Rights Watch in New York, and author of Hated to Death, a report on gay bashing and its impact on the fight against HIV/AIDS in Jamaica. Jamaica lost a key leader in the HIV/AIDS battle, she said, when gay activist Gareth Henry fled the country last month and sought refugee status in Canada. Henry had been co-chair of the Jamaican Forum for Lesbians and Gays and also a volunteer with Jamaican AIDS Support for Life .Henry, 30 told the Star yesterday that he started thinking about leaving Jamaica after being beaten by police a year ago on February 14th at a drugstore in Kingston, Jamaica. He says police deny beating him, and has said he's lost 13 gay friends since 2004, yet police refuse to acknowledge there's a problem, often blaming the dead victim's lover or other Gay Men."The situation for Gays and Lesbians in Jamaica is getting worse," Henry said in his telephone interview in Toronto, where he's now living. Henry said he feels for Hayden. "He's unsafe. They're hunting him daily. It's one of those very sad cases. For him coming out, he didn't want to be another person who died before he got to tell his story." Hayden is now on a leave of absence from his job and is in hiding while his allegations against his fellow officers are being investigated. Violence against Men who have sex with Men, ranging from verbal harassment to beatings, armed attacks, and murder, is pervasive in Jamaica, according to Schleifer's report for Human Rights Watch.The church denounces gay sex, popular music reinforces prejudices against gays and lesbians and police do little to stop violence against them, she noted.
My first reaction to this was " I really hope an organization here in Canada will make the effort in trying to protect him. Also "I hope the Canadian government grants him refugee status so he can come up here." Then I starting thinking was it the right time for him to come out and go public about his sexuality? I think what he was trying to do was very admirable, wanting to fight for the good of all Gay Jamaicans, but he must have known that right now his country doesn't want to hear it.
Its good to point out that Jamaica isn't the only place on earth that has these human rights issues. In fact in some places its even worse. Places like Iraq, where two young men where sentenced to death for being homosexual, and hung. This sentence was given by the Ayatollah, a strong Iraqi spiritual leader who states "Gays should be killed in the worst Way Possible."
Q: What is the judgment on sodomy and lesbianism?
A: "Forbidden. Those involved in the act should be punished. In fact, sodomites should be killed in the worst manner possible."
A quote taken from an Iranian cleric who was nominated by Iraqis for the 2005 Nobel Peace prize. Contradiction or what? I did find a reaction, and an opinion to these statements. I would like to first point out that this opinion doesn't directly reflect my own but I did find it something worth showcasing.
And I quote "Muslims in the West, and Homosexuals are both minority groups. So what? Muslims are violent, hate-filled killers who prey on Homosexuals. That is almost without exception.Christians often do not have any higher opinion of homosexuals than do Muslims. There is a fundamental difference: Christians generally don't kill homosexuals. Individual people might bash gays, and when they do we all press till the criminal is captured and prosecuted. It is the law that saves homosexuals from the few who would harm them; in Islam it is the law that kills homosexuals. Now, some homosexuals are too stupid to understand the difference, and they side with Muslims in their stupidity, thinking that one minority is the same as the next so long as both hate America and share a number of the same cliches." quite a mouthful!
In my opinion what seems to be the issue in these countries is how much religion plays a big part in government. Religion in most cases is law, inforced by people who twist those beliefs to fit their own goals and to place fear on others. For example Asama Ben Ladin, who took the muslim religion and twisted it, making it seem terrifying and making the western world think that's what being muslim is all about. Religion to me has no place in goverment. Goverment should be a democracy representing all peoples living in those borders, and peoples who's beliefs maybe different from the majority. "The church denounces gay sex, popular music reinforces prejudices against Gays and Lesbians and police do little to stop violence against them." This just proves that for those of us who want to fight its going to be a very tough battle. Sometimes staying quiet, and working behind the scenes is a better option. Regardless, some places in the world still have "alot of growing up to do."
-----------
So there it is. I'd like to point out that this was written in 2008, and if it was written today I have written it a little different..but there it is..hope you enjoyed
The two men hung in Iraq
-------------------
If you all travel on the TTC during the day then you would most likely pick up the Metro Newspaper. This publication is usually hit and miss, sometimes having great eye catching (but short) articles. Other times however you just skim through to the entertainment section, which is usually filled with juicy gossip. On Monday though a certain article did catch my eye, about a man named Michael Hayden. The article was good but scarce so i went online and find a better version of it through the Toronto Star news service.
A Jamaican police officer says he's living in fear after coming out as a Gay Man, and hopes to come to Canada where he can safely speak up on behalf of other Gay Jamaicans. Michael Hayden, who has been on the police force for four years, said other officers routinely attacked, and abused him after becoming suspicious of his sexual orientation. After speaking out publicly about the problem, in The Jamaica Star newspaper this month, the 24-year-old Hayden said he began receiving death threats."I want to stay here and fight," Hayden said, in a telephone interview from Jamaica yesterday. "But it's not safe for me. My life is in great, great jeopardy." Human rights groups say Hayden's case is the latest in a series of disturbing anti-Gay incidents in the Caribbean tourist destination. The Jamaican police force declined to comment on Hayden's situation. Sodomy is a criminal offence in Jamaica, which carries a maximum penalty of 10 years."We have no comment at this time," Karl Angell, a spokesperson for the Jamaican Constabulary Police Force said in a telephone interview from Jamaica yesterday.Hayden is not the first Gay Jamaican to seek asylum out of fear for his life, said Rebecca Schleifer, a researcher with Human Rights Watch in New York, and author of Hated to Death, a report on gay bashing and its impact on the fight against HIV/AIDS in Jamaica. Jamaica lost a key leader in the HIV/AIDS battle, she said, when gay activist Gareth Henry fled the country last month and sought refugee status in Canada. Henry had been co-chair of the Jamaican Forum for Lesbians and Gays and also a volunteer with Jamaican AIDS Support for Life .Henry, 30 told the Star yesterday that he started thinking about leaving Jamaica after being beaten by police a year ago on February 14th at a drugstore in Kingston, Jamaica. He says police deny beating him, and has said he's lost 13 gay friends since 2004, yet police refuse to acknowledge there's a problem, often blaming the dead victim's lover or other Gay Men."The situation for Gays and Lesbians in Jamaica is getting worse," Henry said in his telephone interview in Toronto, where he's now living. Henry said he feels for Hayden. "He's unsafe. They're hunting him daily. It's one of those very sad cases. For him coming out, he didn't want to be another person who died before he got to tell his story." Hayden is now on a leave of absence from his job and is in hiding while his allegations against his fellow officers are being investigated. Violence against Men who have sex with Men, ranging from verbal harassment to beatings, armed attacks, and murder, is pervasive in Jamaica, according to Schleifer's report for Human Rights Watch.The church denounces gay sex, popular music reinforces prejudices against gays and lesbians and police do little to stop violence against them, she noted.
My first reaction to this was " I really hope an organization here in Canada will make the effort in trying to protect him. Also "I hope the Canadian government grants him refugee status so he can come up here." Then I starting thinking was it the right time for him to come out and go public about his sexuality? I think what he was trying to do was very admirable, wanting to fight for the good of all Gay Jamaicans, but he must have known that right now his country doesn't want to hear it.
Its good to point out that Jamaica isn't the only place on earth that has these human rights issues. In fact in some places its even worse. Places like Iraq, where two young men where sentenced to death for being homosexual, and hung. This sentence was given by the Ayatollah, a strong Iraqi spiritual leader who states "Gays should be killed in the worst Way Possible."
Q: What is the judgment on sodomy and lesbianism?
A: "Forbidden. Those involved in the act should be punished. In fact, sodomites should be killed in the worst manner possible."
A quote taken from an Iranian cleric who was nominated by Iraqis for the 2005 Nobel Peace prize. Contradiction or what? I did find a reaction, and an opinion to these statements. I would like to first point out that this opinion doesn't directly reflect my own but I did find it something worth showcasing.
And I quote "Muslims in the West, and Homosexuals are both minority groups. So what? Muslims are violent, hate-filled killers who prey on Homosexuals. That is almost without exception.Christians often do not have any higher opinion of homosexuals than do Muslims. There is a fundamental difference: Christians generally don't kill homosexuals. Individual people might bash gays, and when they do we all press till the criminal is captured and prosecuted. It is the law that saves homosexuals from the few who would harm them; in Islam it is the law that kills homosexuals. Now, some homosexuals are too stupid to understand the difference, and they side with Muslims in their stupidity, thinking that one minority is the same as the next so long as both hate America and share a number of the same cliches." quite a mouthful!
In my opinion what seems to be the issue in these countries is how much religion plays a big part in government. Religion in most cases is law, inforced by people who twist those beliefs to fit their own goals and to place fear on others. For example Asama Ben Ladin, who took the muslim religion and twisted it, making it seem terrifying and making the western world think that's what being muslim is all about. Religion to me has no place in goverment. Goverment should be a democracy representing all peoples living in those borders, and peoples who's beliefs maybe different from the majority. "The church denounces gay sex, popular music reinforces prejudices against Gays and Lesbians and police do little to stop violence against them." This just proves that for those of us who want to fight its going to be a very tough battle. Sometimes staying quiet, and working behind the scenes is a better option. Regardless, some places in the world still have "alot of growing up to do."
-----------
So there it is. I'd like to point out that this was written in 2008, and if it was written today I have written it a little different..but there it is..hope you enjoyed
The two men hung in Iraq
Thursday, 6 October 2011
help
This is my favorite panel from a Comic Book ever (All Star Superman)...and I must say, that right now with everythings thats going on...I needed this ..
Tuesday, 4 October 2011
Breathe
* I posted this last week...but decided to take it off...upon reflection I have decided to re post it..
I do the STUPIDEST things sometimes! I mean really DUMB
Why do I keep engaging in self-destructive behavior....and for what???
This is not the person I thought I would be when I was 18...
I remember growing up and telling myself that I was worthless..to always just stay in the background where no one could see me. BUT when I turned 18 I decided to make a change. I decided that I deserved to find Love and to keep it.
But look where thats led me to...I sought attention from all the wrong places, and settled for GARBAGE
I gave in because I thought I couldn't find anything better...and all that did in the end was make me even more insecure, and crazy.
When it comes to Men I keep making the same old excuses
They don't know what they want
They are going through something in their lives
They aren't ready for something more
Somethings causing them to act this way
But I just say those things to make me feel better about the situation...And its not like I'm not to blame for some of it. I keep pushing, and pushing for their time..for them to acknowledge me, and that just makes me come off as annoying, and makes me seem selfish...The same could be said about my friendships..
I just wish they would make time for me in their lives without me having to ask them for it.
I use to be an atheist..but I found G-d in my early 20's ...but what good is finding G-d when you can't do right by him? If I'm such a good person, like I think I'am, why do I keep making the same old mistakes, over and over again??..I know that I'm an amazing person, and I know that I want to help others...but why can't I find my way?
To those who are in my life, and for those to come (and I don't just mean "Lovers") please if you LOVE me then don't just tell me..SHOW ME.
And if you don't want to be part of my life then have enough respect to tell me goodbye.
Be HONEST with me, because it would just be better in the long run..don't worry about hurting my feelings..better now than later!
I'm done...time to make a major change like I did when I was about to turn 20..only this time I'm hoping to do it better!
I love my friends, and I love my family, and I'm sick of loosing people ..and I hope I don't have to
I do the STUPIDEST things sometimes! I mean really DUMB
Why do I keep engaging in self-destructive behavior....and for what???
This is not the person I thought I would be when I was 18...
I remember growing up and telling myself that I was worthless..to always just stay in the background where no one could see me. BUT when I turned 18 I decided to make a change. I decided that I deserved to find Love and to keep it.
But look where thats led me to...I sought attention from all the wrong places, and settled for GARBAGE
I gave in because I thought I couldn't find anything better...and all that did in the end was make me even more insecure, and crazy.
When it comes to Men I keep making the same old excuses
They don't know what they want
They are going through something in their lives
They aren't ready for something more
Somethings causing them to act this way
But I just say those things to make me feel better about the situation...And its not like I'm not to blame for some of it. I keep pushing, and pushing for their time..for them to acknowledge me, and that just makes me come off as annoying, and makes me seem selfish...The same could be said about my friendships..
I just wish they would make time for me in their lives without me having to ask them for it.
I use to be an atheist..but I found G-d in my early 20's ...but what good is finding G-d when you can't do right by him? If I'm such a good person, like I think I'am, why do I keep making the same old mistakes, over and over again??..I know that I'm an amazing person, and I know that I want to help others...but why can't I find my way?
To those who are in my life, and for those to come (and I don't just mean "Lovers") please if you LOVE me then don't just tell me..SHOW ME.
And if you don't want to be part of my life then have enough respect to tell me goodbye.
Be HONEST with me, because it would just be better in the long run..don't worry about hurting my feelings..better now than later!
I'm done...time to make a major change like I did when I was about to turn 20..only this time I'm hoping to do it better!
I love my friends, and I love my family, and I'm sick of loosing people ..and I hope I don't have to
Saturday, 1 October 2011
Love? Reality?
Ok, ok, ok.. I know I said in my previous post that I wasn't going to uh...post, but somethings going around in my head and I just need to type it out..My English teacher says that when you write something down theres a better chance you wont forget it and have more of a connection to it...
So I was talking to a friend of mine about the subject of Love and he said...
"The person who you end up with in the end, marry, whatever isn't necessarily the person your in Love with or will ever be in Love with that its just "reality"
So thats it I guess...Love doesn't always win out in the end.. I guess I should just settle for something thats comfortable, and sacrifice the idea of being in Love with the man I end up with ...better then nothing right?
So I was talking to a friend of mine about the subject of Love and he said...
"The person who you end up with in the end, marry, whatever isn't necessarily the person your in Love with or will ever be in Love with that its just "reality"
So thats it I guess...Love doesn't always win out in the end.. I guess I should just settle for something thats comfortable, and sacrifice the idea of being in Love with the man I end up with ...better then nothing right?
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