Saturday, 12 March 2011

Kindergarten Love..

So when did you first know you were gay? A question I get asked a hundred times.. well for me the answer is clear, for others though not so much. Some people realize very early on in life and some don't realize until they are much older. Some, I think have those feelings but never really know or want to admit it to themselves.

I spoke to one guy a few days ago, and he told me he was curious. That about 6 months ago he had his first experience with another man, and up until then he considered himself "straight". The encounter itself was pretty random and kinda unwanted at first, but every guy straight or gay knows that once the dick goes into full salute "resistance is futile" and he just gave in. Since then hes been "curious" and left wanting more..the flood gates have been opened, and hes become a moth to a flame (no pun intended).  This sorta enforces my theory that all men (and women) have bisexual tendencies, its just that men (straight ones) are to stubborn to admit it.

So when did I truly just know I loved the cock? I have to say when I was 8 years old and saw porn for the very first time on pay per view..of course wasn't so much of it I could see because it was scrambled, but every few seconds the picture would clear up and I'd get to see the goods. I found myself looking at the man in the scene more then the woman, and after it was done, i knew I was just a little bit different. It would be years before I could get my hands on gay porn so straight porn, did the job. BUT if I really thought about it I actually knew way before then I just didn't realize it, because i didn't even know what gay was! I didn't even know what sex was early on in my life! (for shame) Yes most us guys (straight or gay again) use to put on our moms heels and dresses and perform drags shows for others in the living room, but that doesn't really mean your gonna grow up and date men (does it?)

So I go back to Kindergarten. To my first boy on boy relationship and bizarre love triangle. There was another boy in my class who I just adored, I think i was really crazy about him, and I didn't know why. I just really liked the dude. Now I didn't have any sorta sexual feelings towards him or desired to be with him in that way (or at least I don't think I did, remember I was like 4-5 years old and thought that different countries were actually different planets and you would need a plane to travel through space to get to them...but I digress) I just always wanted to be with him, maybe I tried to show affection by holding his hand and giving him little kisses on the cheek, I really can't remember. It would all have worked fine, the only problem was, there was someone else in class who wanted to spend time with him as much as I wanted to (btw this all happened in Israel, where I was born) a girl, who I think didn't really approve of our "relationship". We would always constantly fight over him, and always fight to get his attention. What we had to settle for was a "threesome" of sorts. Most of our time was spent with all three of us playing together, and not once did we stray to far from him. The days she would not come to class I had him all to myself, and vise versa. I guess her and I also became friends due to the fact that we were forced to spend time together because of our identical infatuation with him. So there you have it my very first love affair with another person of the same sex, and possibly the first of many signs of my homosexuality. This all lasted till he moved away and I was left gutted. The first in a string of disappointing ends to a relationship. It wasn't all bad though, I still had her around,, of course I don't remember if we played together that much after he left. (womp womp)

(side note this boy that I had my first "crush" on was not black, so you see I haven't always been with or been attracted to black men strictly ..but I'll get in to that another time...)

I'm wondering now if anyone else has a similar first crush story back when they were so very young and still innocent..but I'm sure I cant be the only one (right?)

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